Christmas the Star Trek Way
by Stardate4.8.15.16.23.42
Summary: Ever wonder what the crew would be like as parents? This story tells about a Christmas with the kids, Star Trek style.


Captain's Log Star date It's December 5, and my 2 year-old-daughter Alexa is begging me for a Christmas tree. The other kids are really eager too, and don't think I can cope with a dozen kids nagging me much longer. So, today, I'm going to beam down along with my two sons Jimmy and Nigel.

Dr. McCoy and his son Billy, age six, Mr. Scott with his five-year-old Alfie, and Mr. Spock and _his_ five-year-old Nanook are beaming down also. Obviously, we're getting Christmas trees for the ship. Well, I'd better go get Jimmy and Nigel. Out.

" Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way! Oh what fun it is to ride a one-warp open starship!!!!!!!"Bawled Alexa.

" Alexa cut that OUT! You're driving me nuts!" Shouted Jimmy.

" I know," said Alexa cheerfully. Just then Captain Kirk came in.

" come on boys, let's go! Alexa, please don't drive your mom and Annie up a wall with that song while we're gone."

"Aw, I won't Daddy," Alexa grumbled.

Kirk said," Well bye girls! See you soon!"

"C'mon Alfie, change out of your karate duds! Time to get the trees! " Scotty called.

"Okay, be out in a second!" Alfie replied.

Within a couple of minutes, the landing party was walking through the forest of the planet below. Nigel was looking for a really neat Christmas tree so he was lagging behind the others a bit. Suddenly he fell into deep hole!

"Ouch!" He said and sat up. He looked up to see how deep the hole was.

" _Wow, this is a big hole."_ He thought. He tried to climb out, but it was too steep. Then he tried piling up sticks and stuff, but that didn't work either.

"Boy, have I ever gotten in a fix," he muttered.

" Daddy, Daddy, DADDY!" Nigel called, but no one came.

"Oh, what _am_ I going to do?" Wailed Nigel.

A few minutes later, Kirk said," say, where's Nigel?"

"I haven't seen him in a while,"Billy replied.

"Come to think of it, me neither,"said Alfie. Captain Kirk said nervously," Uh-oh; we'd better go back!"

When they came to the hole, Jimmy murmured,"What if he's in there?"

" Nigel, Nigel, NIGEL!!" Captain Kirk shouted into the hole.

But Nigel couldn't hear him because a few minutes before, he'd noticed a tunnel with a faint glow of light at the end.

"Hey, maybe there's someone who can help me!" He cried and started into the tunnel. So by the time the landing party got there, he was already too far in the tunnel to hear them.

When he came to the end of the tunnel, there was a little town. While Nigel was peering at the town curiously, a little elf poked his head out of one of the houses and shouted,"HELP! Intruder!!"

Then another elf stepped out and said," That's a child! He might be able to help us!"

Nigel replied," help you with what? Any way, I need some help too." The elf sat down and said," Sit down and I'll tell you my story."

Nigel sat down and then the little elf began,"well, quite a while ago, this planet heard about Earth's Santa tradition. So we decided to try it too. The first Santa was a real nice guy, but he didn't stay for long. He got a better job and had to move on. The next Santa, the one we've got now, let's just say he's horrible! Sure, he's nice to the kids, but boy is he mean to us elves! Worst of all we found out he's in espionage! What kind of a Santa is he? It was so awful there that me and some of my friends ran away and have been hiding in this hole ever since."

" How terrible! How terribly terrible!!" Nigel cried. "Well, how can I help?"  . " We thought since Santa was made for kids, being a kid yourself, you could help us."  � �. Nigel thought this over a minute, then replied," I don't know if I can help you, but I know my dad can help. If you'll help me out of this hole, I'll go get him and his friends.

The elves produced a ladder, and Nigel was soon out of the hole. He rushed to find his dad, who though surprised, quickly followed Nigel back to the hole.

When they got to the hole, Captain Kirk ordered Mr. Scott, Alfie, Dr.McCoy, and Billy to stand guard on the surface to make sure no bad guys saw the hole. Then, Kirk, Spock, and their kids jumped into the hole.

Once down there, the elves and Nigel told the newcomers about everything. "Jim, this may prove to be a difficult problem to solve," Spock said thoughtfully.

"Well, let's start solving it," said Kirk resolutely.

Meanwhile, the McCoy's and Scott's were having quite an adventure on the surface. It all started when Scotty said cheerfully,"Doctor; we got an easy job. All we got to do is look at the scenery, watching that little red and green sleigh a ways away-"

"**RED AND GREEN SLEIGH! **Mr. Scott, you're talking about Santa's sleigh!!" Bones interrupted.

"And Santa's bad here!" Alfie cried. Billy said nervously,

"It's coming this way! We can't let him see the hole!"

The sleigh came closer, and closer, until finally it pulled up in front of them. "Ho Ho Ho and a hello! What are folks doing way out here?"The Santa bellowed from his sleigh.

"We're...having..a....picnic!!Billy stammered. McCoy thought,_"Whew! Good thinking, son!"_

The Santa shrugged, said to have fun, then pulled away. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

Down under the surface, Captain Kirk and the rest still didn't know what to do about Santa. "That Santa Claus is just terrible!" Sighed Nigel.

"He's not really a Santa at all, just a bad guy in disguise," Jimmy replied sadly.

Suddenly, Captain Kirk's eyes lit up and he cried," Disguise! That's it!! Spock, you and Nanook are going to become elves."

" I don't understand," said Spock, looking puzzled.

Kirk went on excitedly," well, you both have pointed ears-"

" we_ are_ Vulcans!" Said Nanook.

"As I was saying, you've got those same kind of ears as elves. So if these elves want to lend you two elf suits, you can go in the elf factory and spy on Kris Kringle."

"Wow, good idea! We'll lend those elf suits, captain," piped up an elf.

"Well, Vulcans, get ready to be elves," said Jimmy cheerfully.

On the surface, Alfie and Billy were getting bored. They decided to play Simon Says to pass the time. "Simon says, jump!" Said Alfie.

Billy jumped. "Simon says, stop jumping," Alfie said.

Billy stopped. With a mischievous grin on his face, Alfie dictated out," Kick your boot off."

Billy kicked his boot and it sailed into the forest. Alfie now announced proudly," You're _out_!!"

"Aw, shucks!" Muttered Billy as he tramped off to find his boot.

He soon found it but as he was walking back a group of strangers walked up to him. "Who're you? Don't think I've seen you before," one of the men said in a rough voice.

"Uh, I kicked my boot in here and had to get it out,"said Billy nervously.

The man looked at him for a second, then said,"That shirt a uniform?"

Billy replied (what he hoped was) airily," My shirt? It's just something I put on."

He smiled, then ran quickly away. The strangers looked at him suspiciously then followed.

Billy and his unknown followers soon got back to the others. When the men saw the other's uniforms one of them whispered," The kid lied! Those are Fed's uniforms!"

One of the others replied," They could bust us! We should fight them so they don't tell nothin'!"

So they jumped out of the bushes, then right away started to try to fight them. The scuffle went on for on for a few minutes, and then the good guys managed to break away. They ran away quickly with the bad guys in hot pursuit. They came to a shed and dodged into it, hoping they had lost them. "Whew!"Sighed Scotty.

" What a surprise!" Added Bones.

"Oh, I'm tired!" Mumbled Alfie as he slumped against a wall.

_Whoosh, _the wall rolled away from behind him revealing a secret passageway! " Whoa!" Everyone murmured.

As they looked in, they heard scary voices coming from there. They figured they must be bad guys, but they couldn't hear what they were saying. How could they find out without being seen?

"I think someone should go down and try to hear what they're saying. I'll do it." Scotty said.

"I'm going because I'm smaller! They might not notice me." Billy replied.

"I don't think so. I'm not putting my boy in danger that easily!" McCoy said sternly.

"Don't worry! Anyway, have you got a better idea?" Billy said pleadingly.

"Just be _careful_," McCoy sighed.

"I will!" Billy whispered eagerly as he tiptoed down the stairs.

Meanwhile, Mr. Spock and Nanook were busy getting into their elf suits. Spock said, "Captain, I see the logic in this, but...."

" You're embarrassed?" Asked Kirk, his eyes twinkling.

Spock said quickly," Why should I be? I'm only doing the logical action."

His face showed he felt very silly in the elf suit, though. It didn't help that Jimmy and Nigel were snickering loudly over Spock's elfin outfit. There was another problem, too. Nanook's outfit fit him just right, but Spock's was hopelessly small. Finally, Nanook and a very sheepish Mr. Spock were ready to set out. "Now remember," said Captain Kirk," you're to find out everything you can about Santa."

"And be careful!" Added Nigel.

With a little luck, Spock and his son got into the elf factory. "Ho, Ho, Helloo, elves!" Said Santa cheerfully as he walked past.

" Nanook, I suggest we separate. You question the other elves while I follow Mr. Claus," said Spock.

Nanook replied, " Sounds logical to me. See you later!"

So Spock tiptoed away after Santa while Nanook walked up to an information desk and asked politely," Could you please direct me to somewhere where I may do some elf work? "

"Come with me. You can help wrap presents," said the information elf.

As for our spy Billy, he was finding out some interesting stuff about Kris Kringle. " This hideout's a neat job," commented one man.

" Perfect for our Santa scheme,"said the other.

"I think it's the best scheme we've had yet," said the first guy.

_"Hypers! This is scary stuff!"_Billy thought.

Suddenly a door in the secret room opened and the men who had fought them burst in. " There's Feds!" One cried. " We gotta clear out!"

"Wow, these people _are_ bad guys!" Whispered Billy.

In the meantime Nanook was getting some good information too. He said hello to one of the elves, and mentioned that it was his first time working in the elf factory. " Well, welcome. You'll meet big shot soon enough." The elf muttered.

" Who's he?" Asked Nanook.

The elf replied," Santa Claus, of course! He's just awful! And he seems so fishy! Right about the time he got fishy; it got so bad for one of the main elves that he ran away with some friends. Boy, would Santa ever like to find him! Don't know why, though."

_"Hmmm," _Nanook thought.

Spock was also gathering evidence. He followed the Santa to a small office, which the Santa went into. He left the door open a crack. Spock could just hear him saying," Here's those espionage papers! I'll just slip these into a checkerboard and mail them to my Klingon buddies! Oh, Ho, Ho, Ho! What a scheme!"

It was unfortunate for Spock that Santa burst out of the office suddenly. "Snooping, eh?" He said slyly." I'll soon fix that! Elf police, take this guy to elf jail! And put out an all points alert for all pointy-eye browed elves!"

So the elf police carried out Santa's orders. When Nanook heard the bulletin, he figured out what happened and went to the bathroom to pull down his hat to cover up his eyebrows. "How will Father get out of this?" He wondered.

Billy got wind of Spock's problem, too. While he was listening to the schemers talk, a communicae came in from Santa. "Be careful guys. I just caught a spy. Be very wary of all pointy-eye browed elves. Santa out."

_" Gosh, he must mean Spock! Uh-oh." _ Billy thought.

Suddenly Billy's foot creaked on a board. Skreeek! "What was that?"Said a bad guy.

"It came from the stairway!"Said another.

They all looked toward the stairway. "Who's he?" Said the third schemer.

One said,"," No idea! Let's get him!"

"Help!" Howled Billy as he dashed up the stairs.

"Did you find out anything son? Huh, huh?"Bones asked eagerly.

" Bad guys! They're after me!" Was all Billy said.

Thump, Thump, Billy's pursuers ran up the stairs. Alfie jumped behind the doorway. When the bad guy came through the door, HIYAH, Alfie got him with a surprise kick. You see, the bad guys didn't know Alfie knew a little karate. Alfie next stuck his foot in the doorway. The next guy tripped over his foot with a bump. "Nice going, Alfie! Now let's get out of here!"Cried Mr. Scott and they all dashed out of the shed.

When they got away from the bad guys, Scotty called Captain Kirk by communicator and told him what happened." Be right there, Scott. Kirk out." Kirk said.

So they settled down to wait for the captain. " Gosh, I sure hope Spock and Nanook are okay," said Billy nervously.

Alfie replied, "Me too."

As for Mr.Spock, how could he break out of jail? Spock soon had the answer. "Guard, guard, please come here,"Spock said.

The guard walked over. With alacrity Spock gave him the Vulcan neck pinch. The guard slumped to the floor, knocked out. Spock then walked quickly into an office, where he locked himself in. Then he called Nanook by intercom. When Nanook heard the message, he thought,_"What's father doing in the office? I'd better go find out."_

As soon as he got there, the two Vulcans climbed out of the window and ran away into the forest.

The rest of landing party was waiting around in the forest, wondering what to do about Spock. So they were pretty happy when Spock and Nanook jumped out of the bushes. Spock and Nanook told Kirk all the information they had found out. This info, together with Billy's information, made Kirk decide Santa and his raffish friends had to be stopped. So everyone started trying hard to make a plan.

The whole evening, nobody could think of a single idea. The next morning, though, Kirk got an idea. " Spock, remember that time you played sick? Well, I'm going to try it to get into the factory," he said.

Spock, looking a bit puzzled, replied,"I was able to do this with my complete rest ability. I don't see how you could do it, though."

" I'll have Dr.McCoy give me a slow acting fainting shot. I'll faint at the door, and then, once we're in the factory, he can give me a stimulant. Then I'll figure out some way to get Santa on the starship," Captain Kirk explained.

" I am impressed with your logic," said Spock.

"I think I'd better take Nigel too, just in case they don't buy it. Nigel's pretty good at talking people into things," Kirk said.

The captain asked McCoy and Nigel if they wanted to do it. They accepted eagerly. Bones commented,"Jim, I know you need me, but if Santa's buddies are there, they're going to recognize me. What do we do about that? Also what if someone comes in and finds out you're not asleep?"

Kirk replied," I know the answer to both of those questions. We'll go get you two wigs. The first one you can wear when we go in. The second wig should look like my hair. You put on the wig and pretend to be asleep. Then if anyone comes in, they'll just think it's me. What do you think, Bones?"

"Clever. I just hope it works,"McCoy said.

Kirk then walked up to Spock and said," Spock, let's get started figuring out the nearest settlement."

" Affirmative," said Spock and began working with his tricorder.

When Mr. Spock had figured out the coordinates of the nearest town, the landing party set off. Captain Kirk explained the plan as they walked along. They were going to get clothes that looked like the other people. Then they would get Dr.McCoy his two wigs. Lastly, the ones that weren't going to the factory would wait in the town.

So they went in the clothes shop and got their clothes. The clerk was a bit curious about their Starfleet uniforms, but he didn't say much. Next, they went in the hat and wig shop. Finding the wig Dr. McCoy was to wear at the door was easy enough, but finding a Kirk wig was a little harder. "Hey, Jim this one looks like your hair!" McCoy called, as he held up a clown wig.

Jim narrowed his eyes and smirked. Spock picked up one off the rack and announced,"Here is one. I cannot be certain it will fit over the doctor's head, however."

"Are you trying to say I've got a big head? That's not very nice!" Dr. McCoy said.

Spock replied crisply,"I was not trying to be either nice or otherwise. I was just stating my uncertainty."

"Sure, sure! I believe _that_!" Grumbled McCoy.

Spock merely sighed and answered;" I fail to see why you applied, as you call it, sarcasm. That would imply you do not believe me, and I do not know why you wouldn't."

McCoy glared and was about to make a scathing remark when Scotty announced he had found a wig that should suit everybody. Nanook and Billy looked disappointed at the abrupt end to their fathers' bickering.

When they got everything done, the group going to the factory set off. When they were about fifteen minutes from the factory, Dr.McCoy said it would be about the right time to give Kirk the shot. " Are you sure Daddy will wake right up if you give him the wake-up shot?" Asked Nigel nervously.

" I think so." Bones replied as he gave Kirk his shot.

About five minutes later Captain Kirk muttered," Bones, what did do to me? I feel all woozy."

" Sounds like the shot's working," said McCoy.

" I hope the factory's close by. I don't know if I can walk much farther," Kirk said, sounding sleepy.

A few minutes later Nigel cried,"There it is!"

When they got the door, Dr.McCoy said to the elf doorman," Will you let us in? My friend is sick."

The elf replied," Well, I don't know. Santa Claus doesn't usually let humans in."

Bones retorted,"Look here, Mister! My friend's about to faint! I'm a doctor, if I can get indoors, I can give him some medication!"

"Uhh-oof!"Mumbled Captain Kirk as he fainted.

"Puh-lease help my daddy!" Nigel sniffed pitifully.

"Wellll, follow me," said the elf tentatively.

As they walked along the hallway, Nigel whispered, looking scared,"Bones, do you think they're gonna catch us?"

"No, I don't think so. Let me do the talking, though," Dr.McCoy replied.

When they got to somewhere where Kirk could lay down, Bones said it would be best for they're not to be a lot of people around when his patient woke up. The elves took the point and filed out.

McCoy then gave Kirk the stimulant. In a minute he woke up. "McCoy, are we in the factory?" He asked.

"We are, but doctor's orders are no heroics until you're a little more woke up." Bones replied.

"Well, at least I can try to get a plan together. Any ideas?"Kirk said.

"Nope," said Nigel.

"Say, I have my communicator, don't I? So all I have to do is find Kris Kringle and beam him up," Captain Kirk noted.

Dr.McCoy said,"That's good. I guess you can get up now."

"Well, Bones, here's your wig. Good luck!" Captain Kirk said as he went out the door.

"_Good luck yourself_!" McCoy thought.

Captain Kirk stole along the hallway until he found the office Spock had described. He peeked through the half-open door and saw Santa in there! He then hailed the Enterprise by communicator. " Kirk to Enterprise."He whispered.

"Sulu here." Sulu answered.

" Beam up Santa from these coordinates. Kirk out." he replied.

Sure enough, Santa beamed right up, but just then the bad guys walked up from behind and said, " What do you think you're doing? You're in big trouble!"

But all was not lost for Captain Kirk. You see, a few minutes before Nigel had been pacing the floor, worrying about his dad. Finally, he decided something. "Bones, I don't think Daddy should be all alone. I'm going after him!"

"Nigel, I don't think you shou- **NIGEL**, come back!" Cried Bones, but Nigel was already out the door.

He didn't want anyone to see him, so McCoy laid back down, muttering," those Kirks!"

So by the time Captain Kirk had gotten into the aforementioned mess, Nigel was already trailing him. When Nigel saw the trouble, he thought,_" I knew it! I gotta help Daddy! "_

A couple seconds later he thought of something. He jumped out and shouted," You get away from my dad right now!"

Then he bolted down the hall as fast as he could. All the bad guys ran after him. _" Whew! That was close! But Nigel's going to need help!" _Thought Kirk and he ran after the bad guys.

As for Nigel, he ran away really fast, but not fast enough to outrun the bad guys. Captain Kirk, running close behind, could hear what was happening, but he couldn't get close enough to see. Suddenly he heard a creaking sound. _" What's that?" _He thought.

When he reached the part of the hall the bad guys and Nigel should have been, there was no one there! Kirk quickly asked a passing elf if anyone had passed him. The elf said no. _" what in the galaxy? Wait! I bet there's a secret room around here! I better go get Bones!"_Kirk thought quickly, then ran off.

The captain's idea was right. Nigel was inside a secret room with the bad guys that very minute. "You got the speeder?" Asked a bad guy.

" Right here," said another. "Get her ready. Let's get out of here!" The lead schemer said.

"I agree. That kid's dad will find this room any minute."Commented one.

_" Come on Daddy! Hurry!" _ Nigel thought nervously.

After Captain Kirk had gotten Dr.McCoy, they rushed to the spot Kirk had heard the creaking sound. They started tapping the walls to hear for hollow spots that could be a door. "I sure hope your idea's right, Jim," McCoy said as they tapped.

"It's the only thing that could have happened," Kirk replied.

Nigel heard the tapping noises and called out hopefully,"Help! Somebody help! HELP!"

A bad guy looked at him frantically and cried," Cut that out!"

Then he turned to the guy in the speeder and grumbled,"don't you know we're in a hurry?!?"

Nigel shouted again," HELP!! HELP!!"

Captain Kirk looked at Bones and cried,"did you hear that?"

McCoy replied,"It came from over here!"

They began tapping really close to the secret room.

" The speeder's ready!" Said the bad guy in the speeder.

"Get in guys!" Cried the leader.

"Noooooo!"Nigel wailed as they jumped in.

Just then the door burst open. " Yikes!" Yelled the driver and the speeder took off.

Kirk quickly shorted the circuits with his phaser and down came the speeder. " Daddy! I knew you'd come!" Nigel said happily as his dad picked him up.

" You knew? Snarky, we've been gypped!" Shouted one schemer.

The good guys laughed heartily. Three very sulky schemers and three very relieved good guys were then beamed up.

When the whole landing party beamed up, Alexa Kirk was waiting for them. Captain Kirk said excitedly,"Alexa, guess what we did? We caught four bad guys, Spock and Nanook dressed-"

"Where's my Christmas tree?" Alexa interrupted impatiently.

Her dad said," If you must know, they're beaming up later, but don't you think of anything other than Christmas trees?"

"Nope!" Said Alexa, and everyone laughed.


End file.
